


You were my best friend (but then you died)

by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death Fix, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 20:45:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14528826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/pseuds/ClaraCivry
Summary: Thor has kind of given up on life, and spends his life mourning what he's lost.Steve understands (does he understand) but still has hope.Steve and Thor bonding through grief + happy ending





	You were my best friend (but then you died)

Thor was not well.

 

Nobody knew what to do with it, how to acknlowledge it, how to help, but the truth was that ever since he lost the last of his friends and family, an air of hopelessness has settled itself on the god. He managed to pull through, barely when they thought they could stop Thanos before he did... what he did. He found himself a weapon, a plan, a motivation.

 

But even back then his actions were a bit too... reckless. Now it was even worse. He kept finding ways to endager himself, and completely disregarded his own safety and well being. He went into the center of the danger, volunteered for things that were practically suicide missions. He didn't really want to die, not yet, but he accepted it as the clean, good solution for all this grief that was eating him, making every day hell.

 

He couldn't forget, and he didn't want to forget what he'd lost. There was nobody else to remember them, there's nobody else to remember _him_. He wanted to remember, and he needed to remember, but remembering hurt. It hurt so much to think about him and know he was not there. It hurt so much that the last memory Thor has of his little brother, was him thrown on the floor, eyes looking nowhere, blood on his eyes and mouth.

 

Thor was tired of hurting, in a way that was almost unspeakable. He didn't, in fact, speak about it often, or at all. It was a topic that he reserved for himself. Unless it was necessary, like when Stark blabbered that he didn't know real pain because he hadn't lost a child, or the love of his life.

 

“I don't... How long did you them, those you lost? One year? Ten? Twenty? I knew my brother almost my whole life, more than a hundred times your lifespan. He was my baby brother and I had to watch him die three times. Three times, one by his own hand, because we were too blind to see how troubled he was; another while he was trying to help us defeat an enemy and one last time to have Thanos spare my life. My brother. My own brother died for my sake, was strangled in front of me. Grief is not a competition, and your pain is valid, but don't you ever dare say that I don't know real pain. Not ever.”

 

But there was someone there who understood, despite he didn't want to, despite that he wished he didn't.

 

Steve had not lost the person he cared about the most for a second time, but also the last remaining link to his time, to his childhood, to his own world. And he'd lost him again, just like Thor had lost Loki again, who was the last member of his family, of his childhood, of who he used to be before everything was taken from him. Before the horrors.

 

But unlike Thor, Steve didn't give in to despair. Steve... he wanted to have hope.

 

-

 

_Bucky doesn't know where he is, or even if he is. He doesn't know if this place, that seems to have no boundaries or objects, is some sort of punishment or blessing. There's only other people around him, as confused as he is, looking around. Everything feels odd, weightless, hardly even there. He feels pleasantly light headed, and when he moves to stand up, there's a hand to help him up, and piercing blue-green eyes._

 

“ _Welcome.”_

 

_-_

“Do you know what was the last thing I said to Loki before he died? I told him he was literally the worst brother. And then he went and gave his life... trying to...”

 

Steve's eyes were warm, understanding.

 

“I'm sorry, Thor. I know how much it must hurt, not being able to take it back. To tell him you didn't mean it.”

 

“And everyone else... They only remember the bad parts. I'm starting to wonder how much of his attack on Midgard was him simply trying to get away from Thanos, and I... nobody believes me when I tell them Loki was a hero. But he was, he helped all of Asgard, he... They only remember New York, and don't know about all the good things he did. All the times he helped me and my friends, despite their obvvious distaste for Loki's arts. How he left safety and a place where he belonged to help us...I...”

 

Steve understood, better than anyone else. It still stung that there were many people who would inevitably only link Bucky to the winter soldier, to what he did when he was under HYDRA. But he had been so much more, friend, family, war hero. Somebody who understood him, and stood by him through everything. Somebody who never left, even when his life was in danger. And what thanks did the universe give Bucky? Experimentation. Brainwashing. Death and more death.

 

“We have to remember them like they were, it is up to us, Thor. It is our job. Our memories are the only thing that's left of them.”

 

And so they shared their memories, so they wouldn't die. So that they would always live in each other, so that they would be present the way they had been, the way they deserved to be remembered. Thor heard about Bucky's war exploits and Steve heard about Loki's return to Asgard when they were fighting Hela.

 

Sometimes they heard people telling them t let go, to focus on the future and not the past. To accept that those they had so dearly loved weren't coming back. To think about something else, to move on. But no. Holding on to those precious moments was the only comfort they could find in a world in shambles.

 

Steve and Thor were adrift in a world that was not their own, and the memories of those who'd been taken away were their only anchor... the only air left to breathe.

 

-

 

_Nobody is too clear on where they are, on where they should be going, except for him._

 

_Bucky's new friend, with a name so similar to his own, has been here before. He knows where to go, what to do. Most people don't trust him, say that he's dangerous that surely what he says must be some sort of trap. Bucky doesn't know why he ignores them, and believes Loki, but he does._

 

_They talk about good days with their blonder counterparts. They talk about having one's identity so shattered that you never know if you'll go back to being yourself fully, and the influence of the monster of their past._

 

_And they walk._

 

_Bucky doesn't know where they are going, but he is hopeful._

-

 

Thor had almost made it.

 

Despite Steve's insistence that they had to keep holding on, for them, for when they come back, because they will, Thor, of course they will, and we need to be there for them, we cannot leave them alone here, in such an unkind world, Thor... despite all his nice words and his hope, Thor was tired beyond his years, he was a king with its people, a son without any family, and he was very tired. He just wanted to go in an honorable way, maybe meets those he missed so much on the other side.

 

And he was smiling as their enemy was readying itself for its final blow.

 

_Valhalla, I am coming_

 

“Not quite so soon, brother.”

 

Appearing through the mist (probably Loki's doing, come think about it), there they were, looking thinner but pretty much alive, not in a faint memory but in flesh and blood. Thor could not believe his eyes and just figured he must be hallucinating. Could they be really here.

 

“Could you retrieve the Captain? My friend Bucky here was looking for him.”

 

“Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve!”

 

When they had already given up, when everything seemed hopeless, there they were again, back at their friends' side, like they always should have been. They embraced, and laughed, and the clouds and the weight on them seemed to have lifted for a moment.

 

Nobody knew exactly what had happened, where they had been or how they got out, but Bucky had heard a theory concerning Loki.

 

“They say that he got himself killed on purpose, so that he could lead us all back, since he's one of the few ones who knows the way out, has been there before. I don't know if he's that selfless, but he certainly is that... convoluted.”

 

“Whichever the way, I'm happy to have you here again, Buck. Things weren't the same without you.”

 

And he was happy for Thor too, Thor who was smiling again, Thor who was going to have a serious conversation with Loki about this whole dying thing, but who had found the light again, and a reason to keep holding on.

 

They had all lost enough already, more than enough.

 

They deserved to win some time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title by The Drums. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, Feedback would be lovely ;)


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